


Paper Roses and Glass Houses

by AveryNarvaezJr (JessiMeow)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Depression, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attack, joelay - freeverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:33:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1813696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessiMeow/pseuds/AveryNarvaezJr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His diagnoses came as a surprise to all who knew about it, which consisted of exactly one person--Joel himself. Ray, of all people, helps him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paper Roses and Glass Houses

**Author's Note:**

> If this is a little confusing and seemingly badly written just keep in mind this is written from Joel's perspective (not 1st person, but 3rd person knowing only what Joel thinks, if that makes sense) and he's like...having a panic attack, so he himself is confused and such, so that was on purpose. :)

It wasn't often Joel Heyman was struck down by panic or sadness. In fact, most of his time was filled with either stress or smiles, both of which described Joel's day to day life quite well. His diagnoses came as a surprise to all who knew about it, which consisted of exactly one person--Joel himself. Chronic Depressive Disorder was described by his doctor as a less severe but just as taxing form of depression, and apparently, Joel had it.

He hadn't told Ray. He couldn't tell Ray. He knew he'd think less of him, just as he was afraid the rest of the world would if they knew. So he hid it from his boyfriend, his coworkers, everyone.

Not mere days after the diagnoses, depression reared it's ugly head. Joel found himself curled up under the covers, unable to even drag himself out of bed to be a functional human being. Irrational fears that his friends hated him struck him, doubt clouded his mind and convinced him he was wasting his time, and every single insecurity he'd ever had rising to the surface once again. _So this is what it's like..._  
His hands rose to hold his head, suddenly becoming aware that he couldn't breathe. _I'm going to die..I'm going to die. This is it, I'm going to die._ His breaths came in gasps and coughs and his body collapsed into a tighter ball. His heart was racing, and he was acutely aware of every throb in his chest. A loud sob rose in his throat and he tried so very hard to keep from making a sound.

There was a loud knocking on his door and Joel managed a raspy "Go away.." but he was sure it wasn't heard. His stomach twisted and turned and he leaned off the bed, grabbing the trash can by his bedside table and heaving his dinner into it. He coughed, wiping his face, and dropping the trash can and rubbing his head with his hand. _You're so fucking stupid. You can't even handle getting out of bed much less living. You don't deserve this._

The knocking on his door became more persistent and panicky. He pulled his covers over his head and sucked in a desperate breath.

"Joel, your door's unlocked. I'm coming in."

The voice was, Ray? Was that Ray? He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his head in his hands. The light-headedness washed over him and he felt as if he was about to pass out. His door clicked open, and again a few seconds later and he was left to assume that the Puerto Rican man had slipped his way into Joel's apartment. He continued to attempt and calm his breathing, breathing in through his nose and waiting a few seconds before breathing out of his mouth. _You're such a worthless piece of shit..._

His bed moved a bit and Joel opened his eyes enough to see the tan-skinned lad he adored so much sitting on the edge of his bed beside him. His eyes fell closed again and he leaned back over the bed, grabbing the trash can once more before vomiting into it. Ray's hand was on his back, rubbing comforting circles.

Ray was suddenly on his other side, pulling the older and larger man so he was rested against the younger's chest. He was still rubbing circles, and a kiss was pressed against the top of his head.  
"Breathe, Joel."  
The voice was quiet, forced, but still a great source of comfort to Joel as he lay there, snuggled into the black-haired Puerto Rican.

They laid there, for hours it seemed and Joel finally felt his heartbeat slow to normal. He felt the glass houses he'd used to shelter his heart shatter around him, and he found himself telling Ray everything, about his diagnoses, his depression, his panic attacks he'd been tormented by for weeks, his stress at work, and the overwhelming feeling that he wasn't good enough for Ray.

Ray looked at him as if he were the stars that lined the sky and the hurt on his face at the last sentence shone and Joel's heart hurt so badly. And he leaned forward, their lips met, and if Joel believed all the bullshit that you can be saved by someone that someone for the man would be the man sitting beside him.

When they broke apart Ray smiled at him.  
"Have any paper?"  
Joel nodded and hesitantly left the boy's arms and grabbed a piece of paper off his desk from across the room. He handed it to the lad and Ray immediately started folding.

Joel watched as a rose form started to show and he looked up and watched the boy's face as he concentrated on making the flower. Ray bit his lip as he creased a corner.

When he finished he smiled triumphantly and held out the folded paper rose to Joel.  
"For when you're sad." He whispered, and Joel's heart soared. "Remember I'm always with you, and I love you."

Joel smiled and kissed him again, feeling better than he had in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an unedited drabble and it probably sucks and I apologize. :)


End file.
